I'll admit right now, I'm a crier.
Situations You'll See Me Cry
- During the speeches at weddings, as day turns to night and I become pleasantly drunk
- At some point during any rom-com (if it adheres strictly to genre conventions)
- Whenever a contestant on a reality show is eliminated (volume of tears proportional to niceness of person)
- When listening to either of my two breakup albums (both by the Icelandic artist, Mugison)
The issue here, as is plainly obvious, aside from the embarrassment of this being public, is just how innocuous these situations are.
Even I look at that list and think 'for Christ's sake man, grow a fucking pair.'
But! Here's the funny/tragic thing. When it comes to life's big stuff - car crashes, deaths, physical trauma, careless destruction of family keepsakes - I have, on the surface, displayed very little emotion. (OK, absolutely nothing.)
There have been many times - often involving someone's newborn - where I have actually willed the tears and found the well, well, well and truly dry.
This week - on Thursday I think it was, though I have now disregarded your conventional means of measuring time - the tears did flow.
The kind you try to stop but can't.
They were entirely selfish, a bit pathetic, tinged with anger and - in retrospect - completely pointless.
To analyse them - as I am doing right now, for the first time - I suggest they were triggered by a long-forgotten feeling of being way out of my depth.
The little kid at big school, when you wonder where the classroom is, or where everybody just went, or if you are even in the right school at all.
I will think of the events of Thursday evening as merely a tremor in the force.
The view from this afternoon, typing in the General Assembly classroom while my fellow class-people wrangle with Ruby's arrays and hashes, is one of collective determination, of wildly ambitious targets, and of an overall willingness to grab this WDI course and kick it firmly in the dick.